i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
