Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
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