Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
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How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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