So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
