I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
