the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
i've created a new STD.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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