im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
