I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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