I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
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He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
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He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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