Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
So apparently I’m into choking now
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
