the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
