The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
