stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
