a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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