she looked like the before picture.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Randomize
