I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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