i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
