my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
