Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
FUCK WHALES
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
