That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
