You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
