I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
