I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Be still, my beating vagina.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
