i already hear my dad disowning me
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
