after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
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