oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Randomize
