Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
