omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
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