Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
