I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
