You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
