was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
