Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
My pussy is not your playground.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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