I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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