I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
