Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
