i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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