Umm I'm too high to move.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Randomize
