I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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