I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
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We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Another day, another engagement, another cat
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At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
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