In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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