I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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