Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
