My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you didnt know i had herpes?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
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