We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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