she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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