Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
