Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Ketchup is God's man juice
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
