Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Randomize
