You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
