i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize
