Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Randomize
