he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
