Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
