Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
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first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
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If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize