The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Send help, water and tortillas.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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