how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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