I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
