Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
