I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Randomize
