You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
