you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Randomize
