I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
