Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
