Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Your dad touched me again.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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