9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
