I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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