i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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