Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
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Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
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Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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