Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
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