Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
