well I can't set my house on fire every night
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
