I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
