Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Oh god it's open bar.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
