I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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