I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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