"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
