So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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