So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
