Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
