I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
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we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
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He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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