Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
