My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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